November 19, 2009
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fine. it’s funny how my closest and best friends have all been entirely the least helpful throughout all this. the parade of “you deserve better”, “you’ve deserved better”, “what gives you the right to feel bad”, and the other fucking condescending same things repeated rather than just sympathy and support and constructive understanding. not to mention they’re all too busy right now to be of any use and as such they’re entirely failing in their role as my closest friends.
I was doing better and then it all started again in the morning/early afternoon today. I was sorting out my work schedule for December and I started thinking again of the work Xmas party, and New Year’s Eve. Xmas and New Year’s… milestones upon which I’ve always been single… every single year in the past. This year would be no different. Never mind the fact that I’ll be working once again over New Year’s eve, but for once I’d like to have someone really special to kiss in the New Year with. That brought it all back.
The banshees are calling again outside.
